When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
