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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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