Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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