Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
