I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
