if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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