those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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