VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
