Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't deserve a penis
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
