The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
