What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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