Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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