Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
