he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
