Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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