All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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