she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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