Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
