Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
