Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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