i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
