i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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