Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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