i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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