All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
