you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
