if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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