My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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