just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
