my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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