I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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