there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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