I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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