He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
