Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
