Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
