come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
