after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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