I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
soo... how was my night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
