I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
