Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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