So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
