Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
