it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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