ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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