I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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