Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
