Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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