Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
