And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
