im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
