I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
