Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
