there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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