Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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